Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.
When you doubt, abstain.
Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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