The fairytale has turned into a nightmare.
I'm more comfortable knowing that, chances are, I'm going to fail at this. I've become comfortable with that.
I'm still swimming.
For myself, losing is not coming second. It's getting out of the water knowing you could have done better. For myself, I have won every race I've been in.
I've enjoyed training again, I've enjoyed pushing myself in the pool and I'll keep on swimming until I feel I cannot get any more out of myself.
I think it's better to attempt something and fail than it is to not even attempt it, so I'm glad that I've been prepared to put myself on the line there.
I'll go for broke. Swim faster. It's not going to be easy - this whole thing was never going to be easy.
I thought I could, and thought I would, swim a lot quicker - much quicker.
Sometimes we question things that we have done in our lives but how many times do we question what we haven't done in someone else's.
I think now I'll probably take a few days off and enjoy the competition and then sit down with a few people and work out what is next, work out what the next preparation will be and what competition will be next.
I've missed out on a huge goal but the desire is still there.
Compared to how I have raced before and how I have competed, the success that I have had, this does look like doom compared to it.
Remember to do the things you enjoy away from swimming, regularly.
When I started this I wanted to get back in the pool, I wanted to race and I wanted to go to the Olympics. I still want to do all of those things.
I'm disappointed that I really haven't been able to race in a way that is reflective of the amount of work that I have done and how I have trained. But I don't regret giving this a go.
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