I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.
You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.
Not everyone likes sports. Gandhi and Malcolm X come to mind.
I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.
I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it.
I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.
True Yankees are born, not made.
When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them.
Unfortunately, there are no mulligans when it comes to pro football contracts.
Why are baseball managers the only coaches who dress up like the players?
I wonder why there is a designated hitter in baseball after all these years? As an experiment, it seemed like a swell enough idea, but you would think the novelty would have worn off by now and everyone would get back to playing baseball.
Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.
But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.
Fantasy football is not only a good thing, but a great thing.
I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.
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