You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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