Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.
You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage.
The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.
At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes.
I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.
No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.
Almost every week, someone's mad at me.
You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.
It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.
I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.
When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended.
I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.
My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.
If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
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