Sarcasm is lost in print.
To avoid ignorance and bullying, I've had to hide the fact that I'm a troll. You have no idea how much time and money I've spent on electrolysis and hair dye and reconstructive surgery so I can look like this.
If you can find it in you to love how stupid the entertainment industry is, you can have a great career.
You can't do television shows caring whether or not the network picks you up. You can only do them enjoying the work, because if you're always on pins and needles about whether you'll be picked up, you'll lose your mind. I learned that the hard way.
I would always have been the geek who's your friend. I will never be the dark guy with a sensitive side, as much as I yearn to be.
I just show up and try to find the joy in every situation.
Nobody in show business can possibly get away with making fun of their boss.
Every time one person gets a piece of information, the likelihood of that information being exposed grows exponentially. It's no longer two people. It's two people squared.
Critics can say horrible things. It only hurts when I agree with them.
Apparently I'm not a pro cyclist.
Actors always have things that they're not thrilled about on a show and have a hobby of bellyaching about those things.
I can't imagine Jon Cryer performing with the New York Philharmonic isn't one of the signs of apocalypse.
I feel like I could dominate the origami field. I think I have enormous potential in that area.
I try to save being angry for the really important moments - for special occasions.
I've always done whatever I felt like, even if it was really inadvisable.
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