I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. And I hurt people.
All great comedians make me laugh, but people make me laugh more.
I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life.
I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.
You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family.
Everyone always comes to one point in their life as an artist where you can either let your heart guide you or your ego.
A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?
We all think we're going to get out of debt.
Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.
We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.
I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.
I can't stay long; I'm in between meals.
You can't open anything after your 50. You have to wait 'til people stop by the house. 'Oh my God, I'm glad you're here.'
Everybody wanted to make it. One guy makes it. In a family when one guy makes it... 'Hey ain't you going to help us out?'
I really try to have fun. If I don't have fun, you won't have fun. That's what my gift is: to relieve people from a little of the pain and comfort in their lives by allowing my comedy to distract them. A good laugh is almost as good as any doctor visit.
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