No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show.
I have a Keurig coffee maker, which is really kind of a luxury. It was given to me by an ex. I realized when I'm feeling sentimental, I'll gently, tenderly press the button. Then when I remember he dumped me, I punch it.
I wish I had played team sports. I think every kid should. Teamwork builds character - teaches people about leadership and cooperation.
Christmas is a stocking stuffed with sugary goodness.
Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy.
I think that Obama is very cool. And I think he's clever, and I think he can be witty. But I don't think he's funny in either the way that Reagan was funny - or John McCain and Dick Cheney are both funny in that ruthless, kind of mean way.
I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways.
I love Christmas. Frosty the Snowman, peace on Earth and mangers, Salvation Army bell ringers and reindeer, the movie 'Meet Me in St. Louis,' office parties and cookies.
Think of all that hard work our founding fathers put in - the revolutionizing, the three-fifths compromising, having to write the entire Constitution with a quill - and yet they neglected to include the right to vote.
When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny.
Digital television, satellite radio, videogames, iPods - so much media. Do books even matter anymore?
I bruise like a grape.
Generally I get up at around 7. But oftentimes, I'll be lolling in bed a little bit earlier - sometimes as early as 5:45 - filing in my mind all the things I have to get done. Which is, of course, totally unproductive.
It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.
Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously.
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