When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh. So you become the hero rather than the victim of the joke.
I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.
Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.
The desire to get married, which - I regret to say, I believe is basic and primal in women - is followed almost immediately by an equally basic and primal urge - which is to be single again.
As far as the men who are running for president are concerned, they aren't even people I would date.
The realization that I may have only a few good years remaining has hit me with real force, and I have done a lot of thinking as a result. I would like to have come up with something profound, but I haven't.
Beware of men who cry. It's true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.
In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.
When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.
What will happen to sex after liberation? Frankly, I don't know. It is a great mystery to all of us.
Denial has been a way of life for me for many years. I actually believe in denial.
Death is a sniper. It strikes people you love, people you like, people you know - it's everywhere. You could be next. But then you turn out not to be. But then again, you could be.
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