I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.
I like consistency. If you've had a childhood like mine, you want some things you can rely on to stay the same.
I was born in London, and went to school in Scotland - I used to be dead tired when I got home at night.
Such is life and life is such and after all it isn't much. First a cradle. Then a hearse. It might have been better, but it could have been worse.
All my boyhood, all I ever wanted was to be loved.
I'm still constantly thinking of ideas. I don't feel 90. I think I'm about 12.
You know I've got a chum, a smashing mate, he's got a dog with no legs, and he calls it a cigarette. It's true, yeah, because at nighttime he has to take it out for a drag.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
I play drums, clarinet, saxophone, trumpet, french horn, piano.
I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.
I don't know nothing about communism. But I know the Albanians loved me. Same reason as anyone else loves me. Because I made them laugh.
At my age, the radiation will probably do me good.
But no, I've just been very lucky. But I've worked hard, and the harder you work, the luckier you seem to get.
I used to first go on to entertain an audience. But now I go, and this is really true - I go on to have fun with a crowd of my chums.
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