To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
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