No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.
For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It's vivid that way. I can't type it into an iPad - I think that would put a filter into the process.
When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.
If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.
Tweets? That stuff kills conversation. And people taking pictures with their phone or recording you, sometimes surreptitiously, is creepy. They come up and just start talking to you, and you can see the red light on their phone.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
In America they really do mythologise people when they die.
For un-subscribe please check the mail footer.