I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative. If you're a painter and someone stretches your canvas, it was collaborative on some level.
Anybody could say anything they want about me, and it literally never penetrates my skin.
You can't fix stupid.
The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper.
You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered.
I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine.
There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong.
There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years.
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