If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.
I started saying things in church that didn't meet with a lot of approval - like 'Jesus isn't coming back.' They started throwing Bibles.
When has stand-up comedy been kind to anyone? It goes after anyone who's the target. Comedy attacks, man.
Rage only works if it is justified. That's the trick with rage. You gotta have a reason to be mad.
My view of life is, 'If you're going to miss Heaven, why miss it by two inches? Miss it!
Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down - I just don't like it. And I know somewhere there's gotta be another guy like that. There's gotta be a guy just like that - just like me. There's gotta be somebody, somewhere... Maybe, maybe an assassin type.
In the 1990s, it's OK to do comedy about the Chernobyl disaster or the Space Shuttle blowing up. It's acceptable to ridicule the Pope or the President of the United States, but God forbid you do a joke... about gays. The gay community is the last sacred cow in this society.
I'm attracted to heartbreakers.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Folks, I've been straight for seventeen days... Not all in a row.
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.
Every generation has someone who steps outside the norm and offers a voice for the unspeakable attitudes of that time. I represent everything that's supposed to be wrong, everything that's forbidden.
Jesus is still up in Heaven, thumbing through his Bible, going 'Where did I say build a water slide?'
Everything can be satirized.
Real comedy doesn't just make people laugh and think, but makes them laugh and change.
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