I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.