I cannot do the piece-of-talking-meat thing, the 'Here's your money, wear a pretty dress and take the cheque.' I'm not made that way. I have to be as good as I can be at whatever I do.
My bottom is so big it's got its own gravitational field.
I can't be bothered to go to the gym, though. I honestly just can't be bothered - it's the most boring thing on Earth. I have tried and every six months I go 'right, I'm going to the gym'. Then I do it for two weeks and get so bored by it.
We all have, in my family, what we call the 'Vorderman bottom' - a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It's been a family joke all our lives - even my lovely brother has one. I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs.
E. Stanley Jones