I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
F. W. de Klerk