I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.