I had to get in touch with the source, I had to go back into my abandonment issues with my mother, I had to go into issues with my father I hadn't even looked at before.
I couldn't be in a relationship and behave like somebody else or pretend I felt something I didn't feel. And that includes saying things I thought might jeopardize the relationship.
I think Julia is defining a new feminism. It's the power of the open heart. And its ok to be sexual.
I couldn't have come up with a better metaphor for my life and my internal conflict. It amazes me how quickly we can manifest our fears; not only had I created my 'I'm never satisfied, I'll drive her away' nightmare.