I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
Sam J. Jones