In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'