You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi!
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, 'I'm going to mop the floor with your face.' I said, 'You'll be sorry.' He said, 'Oh, yeah? Why?' I said, 'Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.'
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
Bruce Jay Friedman
Drea De Matteo